Just so you know I did not write this entry this week. So this past week was not the emotionally dismal one. In fact it was a very good week. I wrote these thoughts a few weeks ago, have been running like crazy ever since and haven't been able to get here. I wanted to post this entry because most of you don't know me much and so far I haven't really written about my spiritual life. Enjoy!
Last night I took a walk down to the park. 15 minutes after it is suppose to close. The tiny town that I live in is plopped smack in the middle of a much bigger and growing town. It's boundaries are finite and the people who live here have it just so so. As long as I live around law abiding citizens I might as well break a few rules.
So I sat on a bench after 10:00 in the perfect night breeze listening to frogs. And God. There was no one else there, I was even free to sing quietly to Him.
I haven't been feeling spiritual lately. That doesn't worry me in the least. Well, for just a second or two it might have but as soon as I turn to Him with it He reassures me.
I think I know some things about God and I know I know Him some. I see too much lately the danger of having some wonderful revelation of Him and calling that knowing Him. I am reminded that I couldn't put in a thimble all I actually know and not to think to highly of my half-full thimble. It isn't a matter of is my thimble half full or half empty either. It is a matter of thinking my thimble is all there is to know. It is about limits. Self inflicted boundries?
Hmmm..... I wonder why people obey that rule about the park. They have a boundary placed on them, some have even put it there themselves. A thimble.
As I touched the Lord in this simple and imperfect way I thought to myself. Is it my surroundings that makes Him more reachable? And it was in a way. Because when I feel more at peace with me I am more able to hear Him. And being outside on a bench near frogs in a summer breeze is peaceful. He doesn't rely on my surroundings, I do. Okay, than I will break that rule more often. And I will break what ever rule I need to break in order to be poured out of my thimble.
I haven't cared about the rules that mankind has made in God's name for a very long time. That being said I am sure I have my own unspoken, subconscious rules that I have made for myself.
When all the hoops have been walked past (not jumped through) the only thing left is again, as always, to be loved by Him. I use to add here that it is to be loved by Him AND to love Him. I'm not so sure about that anymore. It is impossible for me, Gloria, to actually love Him. Thinking that I can has often left me with a sense that I had not yet arrived, but really, I have no where to go. That is a hoop I have tried and failed to jump through.
He IS love. He loves me. He Himselfs me? I Himself Him? All I have to offer Him is Himself and that is only because He gave Himself. In this moment of realization I know unlimited peace. Without the frogs. :)
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